


Instructions for Stress Baking

by moonmayhem



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, F/M, Loneliness, Possibly Unrequited Love, References to Depression, Self-Loathing, Unrequited Love, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-17 07:47:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29468211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonmayhem/pseuds/moonmayhem
Summary: Inadequacy can be incredibly rampant in a young person’s mind, especially when their friends are contributing factors to those feelings. Unfortunately, this brief college au isn’t a happy one.
Relationships: Kuroo Tetsurou/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	Instructions for Stress Baking

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this fall semester in my senior year of college (2017) for a workshop and revamped it slightly for Tumblr.

**Instructions:**

1\. Decide you’re going to make desserts. Brownies and crème brûlée.

2\. Tell the friends you’re going to bake for them, they’ll love it. Tell yourself they’ll love _you_ , too. 

> **Note** : They only come over to pregame for parties, but you don’t go with them. Not because you don’t want to, but because you’re not invited. Even though you gaze heavily at Kuroo; eyes pleading for an extended hand, you’re not invited because they aren’t your friends, they’re his. They’re his old high school buddies that create an impenetrable circle, keeping close knit so that you can hardly look from the outside in.

3\. Later on, ask the friends over during the week to eat and enjoy the planned desserts.

> **Note:** Be sure to ask _his_ friends what they want. Send a group text that he so graciously added you to. Just know they won’t get back to you. They won’t respond to any of your texts, but still hold on to hope.

4\. Buy the ingredients: heavy cream, sugar, brownie mix, eggs…

> **Note** : Your mom is going to call you. She’s worried about money at home and helping you out with college expenses—be sure to calm her down. Tell her you’ll pay for whatever you can, tell her you’ve got it handled. You can pay for the rent. You can pay tuition. You can pay for your books. _Don’t panic._ Don’t let her know you’re going to panic.

5\. When you get home, realize you forgot a crucial ingredient at the store.

6\. Ask Kuroo if he’ll help you grab it since he hasn’t finished classes yet.

7\. Stare at the text back that says, “That’s such a pain.”

8\. Get the missing ingredient. 

> **Note** : Your dad will text you, asking you if you’re busy. Tell him you aren’t. When he calls, he’ll tell you he has to get more blood work done. You’ll ask him what that means, and he’ll tell you it means he’s not completely out of the woods. He tells you that cancer is still a possibility. _Cancer_ is still a possibility.

> **Note** : When you’re back home for the second time, Kuroo is going to be sitting on the couch, and he’s going to complain about how he has no money. You apologize, knowing how difficult it is. 

> **Note:** Later, he’ll decline your invitation to go to lunch for the fourth time because he’s trying to save money. Then, he’s going to spend $200 on clothes and brag to you about it.

> **Note:** Think about your mom.

> **Note:** Try not to think about Kuroo’s lies.

9\. Kuroo has a friend trying to go vegan for their health. Stay up late researching desserts to make for them. Wonder if they’ll even appreciate it.

> **Note:** The next morning, Kuroo will tell you not to waste your time. He’ll tell you that the vegan friend never responds to your texts, so why would they come to eat the special dessert you’ve made for them?

10\. Make it anyway. It will occupy you.

11\. The constant reading of the recipe’s instructions dampens the self-loathing voice that never seems to fall back.

12\. Layout the ingredients for the other friends. Brownie mix, heavy cream, eggs, vanilla extract, cashews, cocoa powder. 

13\. Start baking.

> **Note:** Kuroo and Tsuki sit in the living room and they won’t ask to help. Instead, they’ll complain about having to wait. Don’t disappoint.

> **Note:** You want to impress them. Maybe if you get these brownies right, make the crème brûlée creamy enough, and make the cheesecake vegan enough, they’ll like you.

> **Note:** They’ll only tolerate you.

14\. Set the two separate pans side by side on the counter and sigh, suddenly remembering that you’re supposed to bake these things with “love.”

15\. Set the oven for 365 degrees Fahrenheit because you were too preoccupied to do it earlier. 

> **Note:** Once the oven preheats and you secure the desserts inside, try not to think about the temperature representing the number of days you have helped your best friend. To help _Kuroo_.

> **Note:** Try not to think about the nights you’ve dropped what you’ve been doing, pulled on sweatpants, and slipped on a pair of sneakers to go pick his drunk ass up off the side of the road.

> **Note:** Try not to think of the fact he knows you will do things for him without protest. Try not to think about how he will never do this for you.

> **Note:** Try not to think about how you’re woefully in love with him. 

16\. Blink back your tears when the buzzer goes off.

17\. Open the oven and fight the urge to pull the scalding pans out with your bare hands.

18\. Leave the brownies out to cool and slide the crème brûlée in the fridge.

19\. Crawl upstairs, body laden with all the stress the oven’s heat wasn’t able to evaporate.

> **Note:** Kuroo’s friends will come over at 10 pm, you’ll put the desserts out, and then they’ll immediately tell you they have a party to go to instead.

> **Note:** When you go to get water from the kitchen, be ready for one of the guys, already half in the bottle, to ask if you’re okay. Lie to him. Give a smile that will never reach your eyes and tell him, _“of course, I am.”_

> **Note:** Even when you don’t want him to, he’ll buy it; they all will.

> **Note** : At 11:30pm, they’ll leave you alone to wrap up the untouched desserts. Kuroo will text to say that he appreciates you to soften the blow of their leaving.

> **Note** : The text doesn’t work. Your brain will say that it’s _just_ because of stress. 

20\. It’s 2 am. Kuroo isn’t back yet.

21\. Eat the desserts yourself.


End file.
